10 Slices of a 1970s Boy's TV Heaven

Originally published on Lance Wandering on 4th May 2015

Oh those haircuts and flares!!!

1). The Return Of The Saint

I was most pissed off the first time I watched this, that the stick man with the halo was only in the titles. At 8 years old, it was awesome to see a cartoon bloke chatting up birds and karate chopping villains. "Duel In Venice" is still a classic. How many other TV shows have a bad guy put a collar on some woman that will contract and strangle her if she makes any sudden noise?

2). Sapphire & Steel

"Transeuranic (sp?) heavy elements may not be used where there is life..." David McCullam was grumpy as The Invisible Man...yet appeared to have male PMT in this one. I vividly recall hiding under a cushion at the episode where Sapphire's face turned into a pile of gory, maggoty mess. Scary!

3). Gemini Man

Shite and then some by today's standards, but remember that digital watches were highly sought after and uber-expensive back then. Especially ones that made you invisible.

4). Grange Hill

Back in the day this was gritty drama with scenes to rival Alan Clarke movies for stomach-knotting tension. Remember Booger Benson and his mate kicking fuck out of Tucker Jenkins for grassing? Remember the racial fight between black, Asian and white kids with Gripper Stebson? Remember the "chicken" episode where a lad fell to his death? Or when Claire's dad nearly beat up Mr Sutcliffe because he thought he'd been shagging his daughter? All utterly mind bending and replaced in later years by....someone being gay/ getting pregnant/ shoplifting. Devolved into a pile of PC horse piss and was thankfully put to sleep after 30 years in 2008.

5). The Flashing Blade

Ah yes, silly French, badly dubbed swashbuckling thing that was brilliant only for the rousing opening theme and the awesome collection of clips from the show that it played over. Love the way those two mooks somersault when the explosion goes off.

And, come on. Who remembers these bad boys?

1). Logan's Run

On TV, Logan's gun had a blue stun ray as well as the Kill option, due to the fairy cake-eating antics of the TV Network, but this was still ace.

As I watch this now I lament not being old enough to perv over Jessica at the time.

2). Space 1999

Guns looked like staplers, Martin Landau was 50-ish even then but it had the Eagle Transporters (got one for Xmas)

 and Mia, the shape changing metamorph that all 7 year old boys wanted to err...marry.

3). The Fantastic Journey

Had that annoying not-child Ike Eisenmann in it, but was a badass tale of stranded travellers who'd blundered into the Bermuda Triangle. Also Jared Martin's Sonic Energizer. I was very pissed off when my dad wouldn't make me one of those in his shed (he also turned down making me a Stormtrooper's helmet. Heartless or what?!!)

4). The Man From Atlantis

Pre-Dallas and that mincing twat Bobby Ewing, Mr Duffy did the wierd swimmy thing in this show.

I vividly recall being told at school NOT to try and swim like this. Happy days.

5). The Incredible Hulk

When Nanny and Grampe were babysitting, we were allowed to stay up to watch this. Always amazed me that Dr Banner was the NICEST bloke you could ever meet, yet constantly kept meeting bullies and even the Mafia as he drifted along through life trying not to turn into Lou Ferringo in a dodgy wig.