Jorah’s Journey

In the utterly wonderful Game of Thrones a character that has resonated with me more than any other is Jorah Mormont. A man in his 50s, he is a tired warrior who wants nothing more than to serve his queen Daenarys Taegaryan (sp?), a woman who he loves more than anything, including his own life.

Originally sent to spy on her by the horrid Baratheons/ Lanisters of Kings Landing, he decided to switch allegiance after developing feelings for his Khaleesi. Unfortunately for him he also decided not to tell Daenarys which meant she went batshit upon finding out through other means and banished him upon pain of death if he ever returned.

He came back once more and she banished him again rather then slay him, only for him to come back AGAIN and this time both save her life and finally convince her that she had, possibly, maybe overreacted just a tiny bit.

Dying of greyscale poisoning (think, leprosy that slowly turns  you into a zombie hulk thing) he finally confesses his feelings to Daenarys and bids her farewell, resigned to his fate as a wanderer who will die alone without the woman he loves being in his life. Utterly heartbroken, Daenarys formally berates him for walking away without permission and then orders him to honour his promise to obey her commands until death, by finding the cure to his fatal lurgy. Which he eventually does.

Now…the reason all this has such a deep impact on me (and is causing me to tear up even remembering some of it) is because Jorah was a man who had fought all his life. Not just physically (he is noted as one of the finest warriors in the fictional world of Game of Thrones, despite his age) but also with both his conscience and with his unexpressed and unrequited love of a woman he adored.  Despite kicking ass in the gladiatorial pits and fighting off White Walkers with indefatigable stamina, he always struggled with his inner demons and couldn’t find the courage to do one tiny thing. Tell the woman he loved that he loved her. He was a man who wanted peace but lived a life that would never allow him to have it. A man with a terrible secret (his spying) and later without a master (banished with only his sword and the clothes he had on). He wandered the world yearning for purpose and finding none, until his persistence and his dignified yet sorrowful declaration of love finally led to him not only being cured of a normally fatal disease, but also being welcomed back to the side of his queen, who loved him back and realised the terrible mistake she had made by turning him away, just through wounded pride.

While I have my own Khaleesi, this blog isn’t about her**. It’s about me finally finding peace through a very simple thing. Today I chose one job instead of another.

To elaborate…

I’ve had many jobs. Security guard, retail manager, proof reader, journalist, police officer, postman, author, salvage diver, English teacher…and more. I’ve always had an itch to do something more than just settle down and live my life quietly. I never could find what I wanted because I didn’t know what I wanted. I’ve wandered for years and now, a few years shy of Jorah Mormont’s fictional age, I find myself finally wanting to not do difficult things just to prove I can.

The job I currently have is from October until July. This gives me 3 whole months with no work. My contract gives holiday pay but not enough to cover 12 weeks rent. So…I’ve been looking for summer work, specifically working on educational camps in Italy and the UK.

I’ve had three interviews for centre manager. The big boss. I’ve done it before and while I’ve worked for some right fucking toilets in my time (companies that regard students as revenue and teachers/ staff as resources) I’ve also done the job very well and in 2005 ran a centre that was the only one of the 21 the company owned that came in under budget and didn’t get billed for damage. This was in London so I was also a Special Constable with the City of London Police and was on duty on July 7^th, just after the terrorist attacks, at one of the bomb sites (Aldgate). Exciting times and a great sense of pride in what I achieved.

I’ve been applying for centre manager positions again because I have the skill sets and it’s something I can do well if I put my mind to it. However, last Monday one of my 8 year old students told me that she is going to London in July and excitedly showed me the letter from the company she will be travelling with. I wrote it down, dropped them an email and today was interviewed on Skype by the recruitment manager. She offered me a job that pays 400 Euros Net per week plus free board and food…as a teacher.

I thought about this and realised that while it isn’t as exciting or sexy or challenging or wonderful on a CV as Centre Manager it will also be more relaxing and mean I won’t be stressed to hell for the entire time I’m there. It’s also the same salary that some companies offer for the CM’s position (mainly the one that are toilets). The lady I spoke to was very pleasant and spoke at length about the company and seemed very keen to take me on, saying that it was perfectly fine if I couldn’t make the training day in April (something that is a pre-requisite to contract with other summer firms).

Two years ago, at the age of 46 I put myself through two 12 day chunks of the Krav Maga Global General Instructor’s course in Australia. This was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my adult life and I knew when I went back for part 2 that I was probably going to fail the final exam (I did). I did it to prove to myself that I could face something that physically draining; that involved flying to and from Australia from the UK TWICE in the space of 3 months; that exhausted me to the point of tears; that cost me a lot of money…without backing down.

So finally I felt like Jorah once he got cured of his nasty skin rotting lurgy thing and was hugged by his queen once more. I didn’t feel the need to prove to myself or anyone else that I could do the badass job, I was grateful to be offered a decent salary to work for a company in a responsible but low key position.

I’ve always felt the need to prove myself and that has led to some monumental disappointments in my life. Not because there’s anything wrong in going the extra mile but because sometimes one mile less is still enough.

----------------------------------------------------------

** Although Tyrion Lanister was right...Khaleesi.