Shiny Happy People

I read recently that the happiest people on Earth are those with no history. I assumed this meant that they are the ones who are able to, or simply choose to, not dwell on their past.

Most people will pretend to be cheerful for the sake of not looking like something is up. I always took this to be a self preservation gesture mixed in with a little bit of “don’t bring the mood down” because if you’re feeling bad, you only want to tell certain people how you feel, not every nosey bastard you come across. One line guaranteed to make my piss boil is when a stranger says “Cheer up mate, might never happen”. 

That aside.

Genuinely happy people are like a seat on the Rome Metro at 5pm on a weekday. They are there but their presence is fleeting and they tend to vanish quickly, darting across your vision like a rabbit across a field.

I have always dwelt on my past and that in itself is the biggest issue to happiness anyone can ever face. Be it incidents that happened when I was a small boy, to things that happened in the last few months, I have an ability to recall very vividly the emotions and events of specific events and then I find it incredibly difficult to stop that particular movie from looping endlessly.

I know more or less where this came from, or at least the backbone of it. As I grew up I wasn’t really listened to and the only way I could convince myself that my views were real was to make certain I didn’t forget events. Be they good or bad, I documented everything so that maybe, one day, I could retell the story and be believed.

I was also told not to answer back or retaliate in any way. This in itself isn’t necessarily bad advice but when you are surrounded by bullies it leads to a timid victim who will simply sit there and take it. It didn’t however kill my emotions and the rage I felt would simmer and bubble but rarely, if ever boil over. So, I thought over and over about these events that had hurt me and how I wished they had played out. Big problem with that is that the incident ultimately remains the same and you have just invested negative emotion in trying to rectify a situation that can NEVER be changed for real.

One of the most positive people I know is a friend who has had Christ knows how much bad stuff happen to him in his life. He was raped twice as a small boy, and when he was 10 five white boys (he’s black) tried to drown him in a swimming pool. He’s legally died twice as an adult by flatlining in hospital but was brought back each time. He is currently fighting extradition from the UK despite being someone who is contributing massively to society. He runs a domestic violence charity. He qualified as a counsellor and has worked in prisons in London helping prisoners as well as doing external work with AIDS victims, drug users and even those suffering bereavement.

Despite the fact that the British government have spent the last 10+ years trying to boot him back to where he came from, he remains positive and focussed on his work. He loves life and will get up at 5am every day (a lie-in for him is 6.30) to meditate followed by a trip to the gym before starting work. He has a laugh that could cure cancer and is the living embodiment of living life to the full.

The reason? He has no history.

I realised last year that the biggest drains in my life are alcohol, anger and anxiety. I gave up drinking and recently also stopped having sugar or caffeine (the last one has proved the hardest to adhere to). While things have improved, the barrier I have yet to get past is the inability to let go of the memories of turbulent and unhappy times.

I’ve done a lot of awesome stuff in my life but I’ve also had some horrible shit. For some reason I focus more on that than the good times and it saps my energy like a cheap Android phone running Pokemon Go.

The genuinely happy people I know are able to put things in perspective or better still not focus on the bad times.

Shiny, happy and above all free.