The Long Lie In of The Soul

Since about September, when I moved back to Rome, I’ve been able to sleep inordinately long periods of time. I’m not talking a 10 o’clock lay in but getting up at lunchtime, even if I went to bed prior to midnight the day before.

I initially put this down to anxiety and depression, as I’ve spent a long period of time doing an emotional detox and have been 7 months with no alcohol. I live in a small apartment and only have a tiny kitchen. The “cooker” is two gas rings so cooking anything more adventurous than pasta or rice tends to result in the kitchen utensils getting a free sauna. So...salads and cold food have been the mainstays of my diet and I’ve found that not only have I started to enjoy what I formerly called rabbit food but my energy levels have increased, my concentration has improved, my libido is on an even keel and I have become much calmer.

That last point is important because I have lived my life as an angry person. Pissed off, bitter, resentful. While I still have moments of rage (current pet hate being the ticket inspectors on Rome’s public transport) the issues I have dealt with for so long are now slowly becoming less and less important. The daily stresses of life are now much more manageable and I can get through each day feeling a lot more positive than even two months ago.

The hibernation behaviour each day is by choice. I need to get up relatively early on Saturday to teach at 9am so these decadent dozes under the duvet are not through malady, age or any physical ailment. I figured out today exactly why I’m doing this

In 1996 I stayed with the friend I mentioned in this blog. I had been teaching English since ’95 in Milan and he lived in Rome. He let me stay for a few days before I headed back to England for summer work. I slept most of the day and he remarked “God, you really do need the sleep don’t you!” Thing is, I was at peace in his place and felt fully able to relax. He is very spiritual, and his homes, no matter where he may be in the world, always give off this peaceful vibe that can work more effectively than a mug of chamomile tea with a teaspoon of honey. I was tapping into that because I felt safe in his home, whereas the daily battles I fought in my mind and soul outside were no longer, at least temporarily a problem to me.

Now, 23 years later, I am at a point in my own life where I have managed to let go of a lot of my issues, anger being the main drain on resources. I feel at peace and can enjoy my home without feeling pissed off, threatened or that someone is about to come and interrupt my bliss. My lies in are my soul finally being able to relax and not be primed to react at any given moment.

I fully believe that how we feel manifests in the body. I had sciatica that became a prolapsed disc when I was a police officer, a time in my life when I was stressed and miserable. The situation improved not only from medical treatment but also when I quit the force and moved on.

Similarly, the soul is battered by negativity and what you think about is stored in your psyche and will affect your long term health on a much deeper level than physical ailments.

I still have miles to go before I am able to say that I’m wholly over my past but now there is more peacefulness in my daily life my soul is finally able to relax.

So I sleep so much because now I’m not sleeping with one metaphorical eye open.

The long lie-in of the soul.